Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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