Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
