How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
