i may or may not be watching the land before time
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
