nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
