If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
