can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think your dad took our porno
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least đ
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes âI drove you last nightâ\nâYou got your dick sucked in the back seatâ
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