i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
