Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
zippers are such a cool invention
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
