I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize