he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
