can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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