The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
