Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
