I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
