Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
