A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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