so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
