walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
