you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
