I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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