it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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