Where is the hickey?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
