she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
