I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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