Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
