I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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