Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Someone shattered a urinal.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize