I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
