I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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