just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
