I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
