can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
