hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
