Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
