theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
