we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
