cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
so much tequila, so little girl.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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