I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
