I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
