People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
