just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize