I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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