This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
