her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
