Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
