just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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