i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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