So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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