I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
