I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
