Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
