He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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