I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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