when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
