Soap is not a condiment
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
