On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she peed on how many people?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
