I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
