Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
