oh god the rape fog is back!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
