OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I didn't notice because vodka
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
