After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
