Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
