Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I will pee on everything he values.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
