My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Buhtt sex?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
