that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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