Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
