We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
