i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize