im about as happy as oj after his trial
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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