Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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