I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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