you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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