Are we in a gay sports bar?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Randomize