im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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