apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
