allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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