Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize