this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize