Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
be right there i have to get my cape
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
